Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
