Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
