he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
why do cheetos always look like penises
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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