the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
