Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
