He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
