All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
