i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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