you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
