dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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