i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
