it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
