you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
God I need to hump something, right now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
