The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She announced her abortion via fbk
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
