Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
