Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
