Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
