Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
