this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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