dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
