You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just blew my weed a kiss
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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