I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
