I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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