goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
