College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i think my cat just said my name.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
