Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
