I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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