Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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