I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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