was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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