I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
