Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
