dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
