I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
smell my finger.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
