Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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