one might say we're banned from that church
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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