i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
