Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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