This is not my ceiling
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
