ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
either way he was missing a nipple.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
