apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
