Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
