butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Randomize
