idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
