I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My ATM looks so different sober.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
