Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
