I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
