I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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