I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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