My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
