Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
