He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
