So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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