guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
